Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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