i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
