I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
