can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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