Do you still have your period?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
