Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
