Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
