I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I AM VODKA MAN
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
