well I can't set my house on fire every night
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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