There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
