I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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