I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
