It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
