My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
