cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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