You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
