All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
