I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
