who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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