Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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