my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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