$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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