Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
