Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
