I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
