I'm going to jail i love you
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
