What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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