i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
