Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
