do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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