you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
