Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
