Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
