That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
