It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
