I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Randomize
