If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
