At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
