ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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