We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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