i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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