you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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