You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
