hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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