You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
