If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
