Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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