I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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