my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
