Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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