life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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