She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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