I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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