8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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