i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
