We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
