i would punch a child for taco bell
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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