Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
