My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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