is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
