my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
