I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
