Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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