wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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