Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
