Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
