we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
