My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
