Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize